Family and Kinship in Islam

Honouring parents

Few duties are stressed more strongly in Islam than kindness to parents. In several places the Quran places it directly after the command to worship God alone (Quran 17:23). It asks children not even to show impatience towards their parents in old age, and to speak to them with gentleness and respect.

The Quran also reminds people of the hardship their mothers went through in carrying and nursing them (Quran 31:14). The Prophet is reported to have been asked who most deserves a person's good companionship, and to have answered 'your mother' three times before saying 'your father'.

Honouring parents includes practical care: visiting them, helping with their needs, consulting them and praying for them, both during their lives and after they have passed away.

This kindness continues even when parents follow a different faith. The Quran says that a person should not obey parents who push them to associate partners with God, yet should still keep company with them kindly in this world (Quran 31:15). Many new Muslims find great comfort in this balance.

Husband and wife

The Quran describes marriage as one of God's signs. It speaks of spouses being created so that they may find rest and comfort in one another, and of God placing love and mercy between them (Quran 30:21).

Marriage in Islam is a commitment with rights and responsibilities on both sides. Spouses are expected to treat each other with fairness, kindness and respect, to consult one another and to protect each other's dignity. The Prophet is remembered for helping in the home, for his tenderness towards his wives and for his good humour with them.

Like any relationship, marriage involves disagreement. Islamic teaching encourages patience, overlooking small faults, and seeking help from wise family members when problems become serious.

Raising children

Children are described as a trust from God. Parents are responsible for their physical care, but also for their education, their sense of right and wrong, and their relationship with God.

The Prophet was openly affectionate with children. He is reported to have kissed his grandsons al-Hasan and al-Husayn, the sons of his daughter Fatimah and her husband Ali, and to have told someone surprised by this that a person who shows no mercy will not be shown mercy. He would shorten his prayer if he heard a baby crying, out of concern for the mother.

Fairness between children is also important. The Prophet is reported to have taught parents to treat their children justly, for example in gifts, so that resentment does not grow between siblings. Daughters are given special honour, and caring for them well is described as a path to Paradise.

Keeping ties with relatives

Beyond the immediate household lies the wider family: grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and in-laws. Islam calls the duty of staying connected with them silat al-rahim, which roughly means 'joining the ties of the womb'.

The Prophet is reported to have taught that whoever wishes for their provision to be increased and their life to be blessed should keep good ties with their relatives. He also warned that cutting off family without good reason is a serious wrong.

Keeping ties does not require grand gestures. A phone call, a visit during Eid, a message on a hard day or help with a practical problem can all keep a relationship alive. The highest form, according to the Prophet's teaching, is to reach out even to relatives who do not reach out in return.

• Call or visit older relatives regularly.
• Share good news and support each other in difficulty.
• Forgive old disagreements where possible.
• Include extended family in celebrations and Eid.

When family life is hard

Not every family is a source of peace. Islam does not ask anyone to accept abuse or harm. Respect and kindness remain the goal, but a person may set healthy boundaries, seek outside help and protect themselves and their children. No one is required to obey a family member in something that is wrong.

Even in difficult situations, the ideal remains to keep the door open where it is safe to do so, to speak with dignity, and to pray for one's family. Families, like people, can change over time.